Monday, September 15, 2008

If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son...

I've always loved that scene from eternal sunshine when Joel is in the diner.
"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?
If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know."

It just captures so much of who he is, and I feel like I can relate so much. I've had that exact experience. Any girl that takes notice of me is a potential love interest. Most of the time I screw it up somehow. See, I'm a very fickle person in that department. Every once and a while, one of those girls who takes notice of me actually starts to develop feelings for me. Then I get a little scared and distance myself, I become more critical, telling myself that they're not my type.
Part of me wishes I could just get into relationships like normal people do. But then again, since I'm so particular, maybe that means I'll know the instant I meet someone who perfectly fits the mold.

The one relationship I always go back to was my first. Sophomore year with Emily Culp. It was the most fulfilling relationship I've ever been in. I wouldn't say it was love, but it was one instance when I just clicked with someone. I spend my days now trying to replicate that feeling.
I'm not still interested in Emily Culp, it's just that relationship that I try to recreate.
I am obviously no relationship expert so I'm not sure if this is healthy or not, but I always look for girls that make up for my shortfalls. Someone who I can create a balance with. Someone who fits this one sided puzzle piece.

Plants and Animals is great background music for writing. I really like their sound. It's so refreshing to write so openly like this. I have been putting off homework for the entirety of the day so when I get bored with browsing the internet or watching tv, I resort to writing. I like this. I feel like I can breathe easier.


Manda1012 said...

Hm. That seriously reminded me of myself.

I actually have some slight commitment issues (after years of being forced into the mindset that im not worthy of people, it kinda does that to a person lol). Not saying you have commitment issues, im just slowly easing into my point. I tended to like just about any guy that was nice to me. Mostly because I wasn't used to it. But when I truly started to like them, I'd being to push them away, and like pick out their flaws so that I wouldn't like them. Even if I knew they liked me and I really liked them I'd force them away.

But I'm slowly getting past that (with some help lol)

Sometimes it's good to be so particular about people you like. never settle.

you'll find that girl eventually. Just gotta be patient. It seems in the category of love, many want to rush and find that person now, I've never understood why. but once again, I have commitment issues lol..

but hopefully you can find a relationship much like the one with emily, find that person you have an instant connection with.

Austin said...

yeah see I can completely relate to you...I think I have minor commitment issues sometimes too.

thanks for the words of advice though, they definitely ring true...I think you're right about "never settling". I think too many people do that now.

and yeah I'm not in any hurry to find someone, but I do still wonder about it every once and a while...

but yeah thanks!

Emily Rigby said...

how comes your blog doesn't say "follow this blog" anywhere?

i'm in this one. ha. don't think i'm copying you but..i do that too. i try to find one like freshman year too. that was good! i was just. too little. i still feel too little. if you know what i mean. i don't feel ready for things that big. i'm so afraid of relationships actually. straight up.

bleh. you're lucky though you're at college. that means easy street ha. or at least that's the image i've created in my head...

Austin said...

yeahh well, sophomore year for me, but it still felt so easy then. It just kinda happened. there was no history, clean slate. I just wish I could do that again sometimes.
in college it is a little feel a bit more mature, ready to do the whole relationship thing. I'm still working on it though