Monday, October 13, 2008

You know what I love...

...when the people living above me play celine dion really loud from 9pm-11pm. Then it sounds like they all run from one end of their dorm to the other. I really want to meet them...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hm, I actually wrote a poem...

**This started out as something else, but soon turned into verse, and then I changed where it was going halfway through. But I think it still works.

I am vulnerable, to anything.
At this point in my life
The winds sway me in the way they will
The jet streams lift me into oblivion

Politics are virtuous
And labels are an identity
Confidence is ambivalent
A knock at the door is the promise of change
Money is the answer
to all of life's problems
Friends always leave
Loved ones always die

Love is unachievable
An impossible ideal of modern man
It exists only in dreams
Love is no battlefield
And is was not made for me and you
Love loves no one
But everyone loves love

But I was borne along by dreams
Of God's particular grace for me
It's bittersweet scent leads me on
On an impossible quest for fulfillment
The trek seems never ending
Oh! But love is so close!
I can feel the warmth of its presence
The touch of its company
Love can be seen from my distance
It's rays of hope gleam like embers

The jets streams sway
And I am falling
Falling from the sky
Landing on solid ground
But I have seen Love
Love is not dead
The jet streams sway

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Out of Focus

I failed a geology test today, mixed up the viscous properties of mafic and felsic magma. Really, who cares. It's all hot fire-y liquid when it explodes out of a volcano, just stay away from it. That's the true "property" of magma.

Have you ever stared at an object and slowly let your eye sight shift out of focus? You're left with the sight of this blurry, surreal surrounding. It made me feel like I was viewing life from this imaginary window, my problems seemed to stay behind the glassy illusion. I sat like this, staring off into space for some time, thinking of all the things I needed/wanted to do. I had to study harder for my next geology test, study for a media lit exam, write a paper, start on my speech, make the short film, call the Northerner reporter back about the film society, figure out how to ask Rachel out on a second date (and how to "win" her over), work more hours so I'm not broke from buying my new camera, and so on.
And then I just stopped. I've slipped into mindsets like this before. I'm not going to let it happen again. Because when I do, I let myself pity myself, my confidence goes down, and I write self-deprecating blogs like I have so many times before.
I told myself to smile, forcing the muscles in my face to make the all too familiar shape. And you know what, it worked. I immediately felt better.
It could just be that I envisioned what I looked like from someone elses point of view, staring off into space for five minutes, eyes glazed over, and then flashing a painful half-grin.
But I think it was the fact that I didn't let that mindset go any further into my judgment. I cut it off before it could distort any more thoughts.

Life is good.

I'm so tired of politics. So, so tired. I used to enjoy them but I'm not sure how I ever did. I loathe hearing about it unless its something funny. It just pains me to see how fake both Obama and McCain are. And I can't bear to hear any more about either of them. But at the same time, I can't see how they could be any other way. I'm not usually the cynic, quite the opposite in fact, but no "good" person will ever get far in politics in this day and age. There are too many checkpoints along the way that dehumanize you to the point where you're on par with that ab roller on QVC. Merely a product being sold door to door, television to television. I just don't care anymore. But I still value my vote, so I'm feeling pretty conflicted right now.