Monday, September 20, 2010


"My memories start to wander off
Come to me the remembrance of
My way back home"
(band of horses)

Welcome to me 2 years ago:

"I worry so much about what others think of me. I'm constantly trying to mold myself into a presentable human being only to come off as awkward and funny at confrontations. I worry that if I ever truly love someone, I'll scare them away because of how passionate I am about them...within the first few weeks of the relationship.
I run everyday now and try to eat healthier but I still want to loose more weight. I feel like if I do that, I can cut out that whole body image part of my internal thoughts.
I feel like I am so naive to the world. People my age have experienced death, poverty, sex, drugs, divorced parents. I'm not wishing any of this upon myself, or anyone else but I do feel guilty when I complain about my self to my self."

Isn't it so strange to look back when we're this young? Two years seems like such a long time ago. That's like 15 years in "youth years". We experience so much change and adaptation in these times.

I always knew there was more. I had that instinctual feeling that there was something more to attain. I worried about girls, God, and food (not in that order). I worried I'd never find someone I could sit quietly with and feel completely content. I worried that God was dead and I was a pawn in a pointless life. I worried because food was such a priority to me haha.

I remember each night praying for a direction if there was any. I prayed to know if there was any truth out there. I wanted to know God personally. I wanted to believe. But I couldn't bring myself to "align" with anything. I could only view it as conformity. But then I woke up one day thinking I should go to Church again...this time at that Mormon Church in Hebron. I can still remember how uneasy I felt sitting in my car in the parking lot. But then I walked in and I felt a sense of peace. I remember hearing someone quote Mosiah 18: 10-11 and my heart literally flipped in my chest. I didn't understand why until I read it again.
I found my peace. I found my truth I always hoped and prayed for.

Later, after many setbacks, I found this girl. And to put it simply, I don't worry about anything when I'm with her. And she inspires me with each and every new day.

The food thing...yeah...I still eat more cereal than any human being should. But it's whatever.

Moral of the story (that's still in progress), have faith and hold firm to that light of Christ. Most things won't turn out the way you want them to. But we all have the choice to interpret these waves as curses or blessings. If we choose the latter, each and every moment can be beautiful. Good things come to those with hope and faith.

Feet pushing over that flattened sage
Curb to curb leaps where time stops
Living in a movie with no third act
Soak it all in and never look back

1 comment:

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