Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Out of Focus

I failed a geology test today, mixed up the viscous properties of mafic and felsic magma. Really, who cares. It's all hot fire-y liquid when it explodes out of a volcano, just stay away from it. That's the true "property" of magma.

Have you ever stared at an object and slowly let your eye sight shift out of focus? You're left with the sight of this blurry, surreal surrounding. It made me feel like I was viewing life from this imaginary window, my problems seemed to stay behind the glassy illusion. I sat like this, staring off into space for some time, thinking of all the things I needed/wanted to do. I had to study harder for my next geology test, study for a media lit exam, write a paper, start on my speech, make the short film, call the Northerner reporter back about the film society, figure out how to ask Rachel out on a second date (and how to "win" her over), work more hours so I'm not broke from buying my new camera, and so on.
And then I just stopped. I've slipped into mindsets like this before. I'm not going to let it happen again. Because when I do, I let myself pity myself, my confidence goes down, and I write self-deprecating blogs like I have so many times before.
I told myself to smile, forcing the muscles in my face to make the all too familiar shape. And you know what, it worked. I immediately felt better.
It could just be that I envisioned what I looked like from someone elses point of view, staring off into space for five minutes, eyes glazed over, and then flashing a painful half-grin.
But I think it was the fact that I didn't let that mindset go any further into my judgment. I cut it off before it could distort any more thoughts.

Life is good.

I'm so tired of politics. So, so tired. I used to enjoy them but I'm not sure how I ever did. I loathe hearing about it unless its something funny. It just pains me to see how fake both Obama and McCain are. And I can't bear to hear any more about either of them. But at the same time, I can't see how they could be any other way. I'm not usually the cynic, quite the opposite in fact, but no "good" person will ever get far in politics in this day and age. There are too many checkpoints along the way that dehumanize you to the point where you're on par with that ab roller on QVC. Merely a product being sold door to door, television to television. I just don't care anymore. But I still value my vote, so I'm feeling pretty conflicted right now.


redneckzilla said...

I'm voting more shiny pink popcorn shirts 08!

Actually. I'm only voting Sarah Palin. Nobody else.

redneckzilla said...

I was fat and I was angry when I was 9. But mostly. I didn't give a shit.

Biggest reason why I was way way way cooler as a 9-year old.

redneckzilla said...

You should watch this really good movie. It's sort of like Alfred Hitchcock but like. I think it's better. More contemporary.

I think it's called Suburbia? Have you heard of it?


Austin said...

haha that trailer was incredible.

and doesn't that modern hitchcock have that one guy in it, he's french le...lebouf?

AND YES I went on a date. I should TELL YOU ABOUT IT somehow.

redneckzilla said...

How about you email me all the deets. Spare no sloppy kiss or fondled breast.

Manda1012 said...

Woo Hoo! I say this because I dont know many people that do that eye outta focus thing. I do it for some reason when I'm thinking about alot of stuff.. lol but it always happens to be in class or something and I'm like i bet i look stoned or something..

and I asked some friends if they ever did that and they all said no.. so :\.. WOO. lol 1 person!

If it makes you feel better I failed my Trigonometry test. Horribly..

And I hate politics. I have never liked them, and usually for that kind of stuff I would. But its to the point now that you can't tell who or what is real or truthful. I have deceitfulness.. so I just.. idk shut out politics for the most part..

Austin said...

haha I know I barely know anyone who does the out of focus thing!