Epilogue

Today I found myself dipping back into the memory
of jagged mountains and beautiful people.

I traced the outline of the mountain horizon along the narrow roads of my mind.
I taunted the peeking sun behind the peak with an exuberant cackle.
I closed my eyes and the images of dramatically lit skies and beautiful nothingness was projected against my pupils.
I danced along the Columbia River with the persistence of a snare.
I saw the smiles and heard the laughter.
My heart jumped when I saw a whimsical redhead with a grin like a starlet and an eye like a lens.

My legs grew weak when I danced with a movie-loving linguist from Texas.

I embraced a dear friend I had missed.

We catapulted ourselves through red deserts and rolling green hills.

I stopped at a sight that made me undoubtedly reaffirm my humanity...

This was written while observing from the window:

"I am speechless.
Words cannot describe what I have just seen. The pictures and video do not do it justice. I just witnessed one of the most beautiful memories I will ever retain.
I Saw all the colors of the rainbow used on a Colorado plain. The rainbow itself was even present. It mocked the ominous funnel cloud attempting to form on the other side of the road. The image was perfectly drawn down the middle. Bright sunny green fields harbored the fully-shaped rainbow while dead neutral ground was looked upon by tornado clouds and neon lightning.
I saw two worlds collide at once. The rainbow quickly overtook the darkness making a leap across the highway. It shown brighter than ever against a glorious sunrise of golds and purples. But the storm slowly dissipated the arch of colors and begun to cry tears of anger as it threw blue electric down from the heavens on both sides of the road.
Just then, the two forces threw offensive punches in unison. The sun showered the clouds with brilliant embers while the storm met head on with the deafening rain and rolling thunder.
A beautiful array of calm formed across the spacious sky.
The face of God."

Pictures really don't do it justice. Trust me.
















I will always be able to reenter this memory of Alex, of Mercedes, of Kelsie, of comforting mountains, of red deserts, of calm rivers, of the beating sun, of empty roads...of God in the form of people and places.

Untitled

Originally uploaded by AustinDressman

The solution to uncertainty is following your bliss.

4.39 PM

I love when a single song can pull you into another state of thinking...just like that. You can be hanging from the vines of a thought you've found yourself tangled up in. You think so hard. You're mind is inconclusive. And then a melody carries you. You are hovering above the foilage, peeking through the tree tops, far from the bottom.

A single note
A single melody
Replaces a heavy mind
And a heavy heart

"Whatever will be will be"

Liberty Heights

Cue a loop of that melody from the Beach Boys "Wouldn't It Be Nice"...you know, the part where it kind of sounds like a harp but it's probably just a really high cord on the guitar. The looped beginning of that song entered my subconscious at some point in the early morning of my sleep last night. I remember hearing it playing on a car radio. I wasn't driving the car, I was stowed in the back seat and I had the feeling the driver and other passengers did not know I was there. I peered out the window and saw a beautiful park, the trees were as tall as the sky and their branches dipped down into the saturated grass like a Weeping Willow. The sky was a perfect mixture of cloud and blue and the sun's golden rays were reflected off of all the foliage. The road we were traveling on looped and curved around the massive trunks of the trees. Eventually it bridged over a serene pond.
I turned around in my seat and was suddenly standing outside of the car, which was now parked beside one of the Willows. An old stone structure that used to be a church but was now converted into some sort of park facility stood under the willow. A sign reading "LIBERTY HEIGHTS Park" was firmly planted in front of the building.
I turned to the left and saw that a house sit a ways down the road from the building. It too rested under these monstrous willows. I began to walk down the red dirt road, appreciating the sunlight that peeked through the branches. As I got closer to the house, I saw that from all the cars parked outside there was a party going on.
I faded out of the dream and opened my eyes enough to see my bedroom ceiling. I rolled over and saw that it was 4-something AM.
I easily slipped back in to Liberty Heights and assumed I was now at the party. A pool took up a large part of what was actually a very small backyard. Young adults were milling around with drinks and conversation. I walked around, not knowing anyone for some time. She crept up behind me, the way she would, and placed her hands over my eyes. Without guessing, I turned around and we hugged, like friends who hadn't seen each other in years. I was at home. I was content.
That moment lasted for what seemed, the rest of the night. The only other parts I remember are short instances of my time spent with her. At one point we were laughing at the waspy party-goers who were trying too hard to make good impressions. There were orange-tan women and shirtless men with their Oakley sunglasses. At one point I can remember her taking my hand as we ran to some empty room in the house to be away from everyone else. At one point we kissed......It was just a small peck on the lips but it meant more to me than any kiss I can ever remember sharing.

I woke up and instantly tried to relive the moments leading up to the kiss. The whole scene lost it's dreamlike essence when I tried to recollect it. It seemed petty and desperate. I felt stupid. But my heart still pounded in unison to her steady walk up the winding staircase, her hand in mine.
The girl is someone I know, some fling that never was. On a normal day, I'd even tell you I was over her. But that youthful spirit of "love" entered my head at or around 4 am last night and didn't let go until my alarm sounded. It made me nostalgic for something that hasn't even happened.

And I still don't know what Liberty Heights means, but at least I didn't end this post with some terrible line like,
"Maybe some day I'll find Liberty Heights."


(whoops, I just did)

In My Head

I came home from work and my dorm was empty. Everyone was off campus. The old buildings sat wavering against the fall sky, the ghosts of its inhabitants an after-thought.

I used to come home from school every day and shoot basketball outside for hours on end. I would shoot every shot until I made it twice in a row. On countless occasions, I would make these unbelievable shots that no one ever saw. I would get more satisfaction out of knowing I was the only one who had seen it than I would if the whole neighborhood had come out to watch.

Today as I came home to that empty dorm, I felt compelled to pick up a basketball and play, just like old times. So I did just that.
I'm not as good as I used to be. I used to be able to make 5 three's in a row...three of them nothing but net. Now I shoot and go 2 for 10.

The combination of the secluded outdoor basketball court, the empty campus, and the cool fall weather made me reminisce about those days after school. Those days, I would push myself until it hurt. I had this persistence to out-do any shot I had shot before and I shot until Mom called for dinner.
I want to reclaim that spirit. At this point in my life, I feel like I make a lot of promises to myself that I don't always keep, or do right away. I want to always try to out-do the previous shot. I want to make the full court shot while no one is watching.

Fall puts me back in my place as another day of bronze leaves and temperate skies send comfort through all my senses.