Sunday, July 8, 2007

'The Girl' Chronicles Pt. 1

I've been putting this off for a long time but I really feel like I need to write about it.

So, here it is, the girls I've been romantically involved with in my life up to this point.

To start off, I've always been a hopeless romantic. Pretty cliché, I know, but it's true. I can remember the first girl I really became interested in. It was 4th grade and I had just moved here from "Chicagoland", Indiana.
I was 'the' cool kid. I mean I came in there the first day with my sweater, khaki zip off pants that turned into shorts, and a sort of a crew cut haircut. I was the man. I remember going to gym the same day and just suavely unzipping my zip-off pants so they became khaki shorts. All watched and were amazed at my cool demeanor and kickball skills. By the end of the week I could get any girl I wanted. So I went after this girl named Hannah.
Every day at recess I would chase her around the playground trying to catch her glance at every opportunity. I chased her around every day for quite some time. Then one day I walked into the classroom just as someone was broadcasting that "Austin likes Hannah" to the whole class. I immediately turned as red as the sweater I was wearing and stood outside in the hall until the teacher came out and asked what I was doing. I sat down and pretended I had no idea about what had just happened. Hannah and her friends were just sitting there laughing, all pretending that they had no idea I liked her in the first place. There was one other guy in the class that was rumored to have liked her. In the end she went for the other guy, so I settled for this other girl I didn't even know. I just remember us deciding to "go out" one morning before a field trip. I think that lasted like 1 week(?) So I had some girl go tell her that I didn't want to go out with her anymore. I was pretty cruel. But I mean, who cared, I was the man. I was funny, I dressed to impress, and I had mad kickball skills.
Then came the day I lost my throne as "the man"...or so I thought. It was just an ordinary day, summer was almost here, and we were getting on the bus to go home one day. Until I was in my seat and we were about to leave, I realized I had to go to the bathroom really bad. Some jerk who sat in front of me was taunting me the whole time by saying "water! gatorade! waterfallsssss". But I had to go too bad to be angry at him. I asked the bus driver if she could pull over really fast at a gas station so I could go. I mean she had let someone do the same thing just the other week. But, despite my constant nagging, she would not pull over. So, I'm sitting there, now in pain and all of the sudden, I feel a cool sensation going down my right leg...

All I remember is everyone just hitting the person sitting next to them saying "whoa, dude, look at that kid." I was in shock. I pretended it wasn't really happening. Honestly, it was all just a blur until the bus driver yelled some profanity once she realized pee was running down the isle and collecting near the gas pedal. I was then given the red carpet treatment by being dropped off was the least she could do. I ran home, now crying because I realized what I had just done. My mom thought I had seriously injured myself when she heard a shrieking kid run into the house with his pants halfway down. She told me everything was ok as I sputtered out that "everyone going to make fun of me". I sulked around the rest of the day pitying myself and dreading waking up the next day to be ridiculed by all my peers. I feared for my confrontations with girls the most. I mean with guys, I could just be a bamf and say "oh yeah, I just did because I had to go" but with girls that wouldn't work. I was terrified that my harem of 4th grade girls would stop liking me because I wet myself in public.
The next morning at school, no one said anything. I didn't know if they knew or not, but no one acted any different around me. I remember going up to this girl I was pretty close to and asking her if she knew. She didn't, but laughed at me for a good minute or so, and then swore she wouldn't tell anyone. Word never really got out about it. Only that summer did I ever endure any ridicule over it. But that was by the kid who bullied me all the time. But most important of all, I was still the cool kid.

So I guess I got a little sidetracked there. I included my first encounter with women though. I didn't say anything about all the other girls I "liked" that year because I basically liked every girl at one time or another. So I'll wrap up the beginning of this series and continue next time with my middle school years.

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