Grocery

this is a monologue I wrote for Creative Writing...
it will eventually be performed by Brandon Hite in front of the class
keep in mind that this will be more spaced out-longer pauses. He's not just going to read it, he's going to act it out...


It seems like every time I set foot in a grocery store, I’m forced to reckon with an 80s pop rock anthem by Bruce Springsteen or Cher. Cher is just...Cher. And Springsteen I’ve always thought was overrated. I mean really he’s just this average Joe with an average voice, average appearance, average songs, all topped off with a wife-beater. I don’t understand how he...wait, is soup in isle 7 or 8?
Oh yeah, it’s 7. Because last time I was here that old lady lectured me on how Campbells soup destroyed her liver.
Next up is...isle 10 for...oh! Cheap DVD bin! Ok lets see what we have here. Oh, A History of Violence for $9.99. That movie was terrible. David Cronenberg is a sadist. Ok well I guess I’ll be going with Dr. Strangelove then. “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.” Ah its such a good movie.
Ohhhhh wow. There’s Morgan. Just walk by casually and say you’re “hello’s” and then move on.

“H...Hi...”

Ah well that wasn’t awkward at all. Why did I ever break up with her? I mean I know why I broke up with her - it wasn’t working out. But why do I always pick the wrong ones? I think of myself as a nice person, but look what I did to her. I just left, left her alone. I didn’t even try to be a friend after it was over. She must think I’m such a jerk. God, I am a jerk. I need to eliminate “it’s not you it’s me” from my vocabulary. Why am I so irresponsible in relationships? I just wish they had never happened. Well no, I learned from them. So I guess it’s for the better in the long run.
I need to slow down. I need to put more though into these relationships before I get involved.

*brrrinnnggg*
“Hello? Oh hi mom. What else? Chicken balls? Ohhh...you mean the chicken nugget things. The red bag...yeah. O...O...Ok I’ll be home soon...love you...bye.”

*sighs*

*walks for some time to get the chicken balls*

*picks up the bag to read the front*

* in a southern accent*
“Tyson’s 100% white meat Chicken Balls”

*stares at girl down the isle*

Oh wow. She is attractive. It’s not everyday that you see a girl with a blazer and oh it’s...she has a Alfred Hitchcock t-shirt on! I didn’t even know those existed! Oh wow, ok just act cool. Well not cool like you’re trying to be. Cool like, you come to the chicken balls isle all the time. Noooo that’s weird. Who’s interested in a guy who hangs out in the chicken balls isle. Ok, ok just act normal.
I wonder if she would notice if I glanced at her again. Wow, she is the one. I know it. I mean Alfred Hitchcock shirt my god...it’s just...ok ok I need to calm down. She’s probably like 24 or something. But wow she is stunning.
Come on you don’t even know her. She could be like this feminist neo nazi or something. Ew maybe she likes A History of Violence too. Well as long as she likes Hitchcock I can deal with that. I can just picture us spending a day watching old Hitchcock movies all cuddled up on the couch. Then we would go out for a long walk and talk about life and have long comfortable silences. It would be perfect...and I wouldn’t have to worry about ever hurting her because it would be perfect. She would be there for me and I would be there for her. It would feel so real when as I hold her while we’re people watching in the airport. We would move to Chicago and meet other people who liked Hitchcock and hated A History of Violence and we would make these raw movies about those conversations on life we had on our long walks. I would experience love for the first time.

*breathes heavily, looks at the chicken balls, and then at the girl down the isle*

*he then snaps his head away from her direction as she walks towards him*

She’s coming this way...

*she walks past him and he watches her exit the isle*

*he places the chicken balls in the basket and leaves*