I was up before my alarm, my eyes half-open slits that focused on nothing in particular. I pulled the blankets closer to my chin and anxiously awaited the clamorous pulsing when the clock hits 8.
7:49 AM
I traced my eyes along the chipped walls of the room. The blackout curtain swayed a bit with the steady breeze from the window that would not close completely. The daylight crept through the ends it didn't quite cover, the light dancing on the ceiling. I watched the dance for quite some time, my mind blank, eyes flickering back and forth capturing the intricate designs of the shadows and the ballet of the sun rays. Thoughts detached from my dreamlike state suddenly passed through my mind at a slow but steady pace. Reality.
Something I wasn't prepared to face before the alarm sounded. I unwillingly gave my thoughts over to its seductive powers:
7:55 AM
How are you going to make thisworkout. You really need to startonthatproject. Howmuchlonger are you going to putitoff. Ifitsmeanttohappenitwillhappenthingswillworkoutyouonlyhavea
fewmoredaystogetalythatgameshewantedyouneedto
emailjenniferaboutintegrativestudiesifitsmeantto
happenitwillhappen.
7:57 AM
I clamp my eyes closed and try to block the thoughts out...
7:58 AM
Don'tseemsoneedyitdbenicetomakeashortwithalainanandalywhen
yourehomewhenareyougoinghomeshessuchabeautifulsoulandsolovelyand
genuineineedtofinishthetakehomeexambeforemondayandthenturnitin
rememberhesaidtodoitbyemail
7:somethingitscloseyouneedtogetupearlieryouregetting
toclassalittlelateeachdayijustlikebeingaroundherthisblanketistoobigand
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I throw the covers off and promptly turn the alarm off. I bring my hands to my face and push my fingers through my hair. Slumped forward, I sit, my mind a swirl of thoughts. The illumination slowly catches the furthest corner of my eye and look up to see a strobe of sun rays flickering against my curtain. The light flickers constantly, the ballet on my ceiling now replaced with a fast-paced mambo.
I jump out of bed and slowly pull the curtain away from the window. A burst of light blinds me momentarily and slowly a beautiful site comes into focus.
Hundreds of birds float past my window. The masses created an intricate filter for the sun to pass through. The light flickered against my unflinching eyes. The flow never ceased, there seemed to be an infinite amount of these birds. All thought was lost and I stood still. And suddenly they were gone. I was struck by the beauty of the moment. I opened the window and let the cold winter air touch my face. My body and mind were still and I was able to think clearly. I thanked God for the moment. Reassurance flooded my heart.
8:04 AM
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Liberty Heights
Cue a loop of that melody from the Beach Boys "Wouldn't It Be Nice"...you know, the part where it kind of sounds like a harp but it's probably just a really high cord on the guitar. The looped beginning of that song entered my subconscious at some point in the early morning of my sleep last night. I remember hearing it playing on a car radio. I wasn't driving the car, I was stowed in the back seat and I had the feeling the driver and other passengers did not know I was there. I peered out the window and saw a beautiful park, the trees were as tall as the sky and their branches dipped down into the saturated grass like a Weeping Willow. The sky was a perfect mixture of cloud and blue and the sun's golden rays were reflected off of all the foliage. The road we were traveling on looped and curved around the massive trunks of the trees. Eventually it bridged over a serene pond.
I turned around in my seat and was suddenly standing outside of the car, which was now parked beside one of the Willows. An old stone structure that used to be a church but was now converted into some sort of park facility stood under the willow. A sign reading "LIBERTY HEIGHTS Park" was firmly planted in front of the building.
I turned to the left and saw that a house sit a ways down the road from the building. It too rested under these monstrous willows. I began to walk down the red dirt road, appreciating the sunlight that peeked through the branches. As I got closer to the house, I saw that from all the cars parked outside there was a party going on.
I faded out of the dream and opened my eyes enough to see my bedroom ceiling. I rolled over and saw that it was 4-something AM.
I easily slipped back in to Liberty Heights and assumed I was now at the party. A pool took up a large part of what was actually a very small backyard. Young adults were milling around with drinks and conversation. I walked around, not knowing anyone for some time. She crept up behind me, the way she would, and placed her hands over my eyes. Without guessing, I turned around and we hugged, like friends who hadn't seen each other in years. I was at home. I was content.
That moment lasted for what seemed, the rest of the night. The only other parts I remember are short instances of my time spent with her. At one point we were laughing at the waspy party-goers who were trying too hard to make good impressions. There were orange-tan women and shirtless men with their Oakley sunglasses. At one point I can remember her taking my hand as we ran to some empty room in the house to be away from everyone else. At one point we kissed......It was just a small peck on the lips but it meant more to me than any kiss I can ever remember sharing.
I woke up and instantly tried to relive the moments leading up to the kiss. The whole scene lost it's dreamlike essence when I tried to recollect it. It seemed petty and desperate. I felt stupid. But my heart still pounded in unison to her steady walk up the winding staircase, her hand in mine.
The girl is someone I know, some fling that never was. On a normal day, I'd even tell you I was over her. But that youthful spirit of "love" entered my head at or around 4 am last night and didn't let go until my alarm sounded. It made me nostalgic for something that hasn't even happened.
And I still don't know what Liberty Heights means, but at least I didn't end this post with some terrible line like,
"Maybe some day I'll find Liberty Heights."
(whoops, I just did)
I turned around in my seat and was suddenly standing outside of the car, which was now parked beside one of the Willows. An old stone structure that used to be a church but was now converted into some sort of park facility stood under the willow. A sign reading "LIBERTY HEIGHTS Park" was firmly planted in front of the building.
I turned to the left and saw that a house sit a ways down the road from the building. It too rested under these monstrous willows. I began to walk down the red dirt road, appreciating the sunlight that peeked through the branches. As I got closer to the house, I saw that from all the cars parked outside there was a party going on.
I faded out of the dream and opened my eyes enough to see my bedroom ceiling. I rolled over and saw that it was 4-something AM.
I easily slipped back in to Liberty Heights and assumed I was now at the party. A pool took up a large part of what was actually a very small backyard. Young adults were milling around with drinks and conversation. I walked around, not knowing anyone for some time. She crept up behind me, the way she would, and placed her hands over my eyes. Without guessing, I turned around and we hugged, like friends who hadn't seen each other in years. I was at home. I was content.
That moment lasted for what seemed, the rest of the night. The only other parts I remember are short instances of my time spent with her. At one point we were laughing at the waspy party-goers who were trying too hard to make good impressions. There were orange-tan women and shirtless men with their Oakley sunglasses. At one point I can remember her taking my hand as we ran to some empty room in the house to be away from everyone else. At one point we kissed......It was just a small peck on the lips but it meant more to me than any kiss I can ever remember sharing.
I woke up and instantly tried to relive the moments leading up to the kiss. The whole scene lost it's dreamlike essence when I tried to recollect it. It seemed petty and desperate. I felt stupid. But my heart still pounded in unison to her steady walk up the winding staircase, her hand in mine.
The girl is someone I know, some fling that never was. On a normal day, I'd even tell you I was over her. But that youthful spirit of "love" entered my head at or around 4 am last night and didn't let go until my alarm sounded. It made me nostalgic for something that hasn't even happened.
And I still don't know what Liberty Heights means, but at least I didn't end this post with some terrible line like,
"Maybe some day I'll find Liberty Heights."
(whoops, I just did)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Reverie
It begins on the cusp of a dream.
I am running from something, through an open field on a paisley carpet. I am not scared, I just know that I must run. I am in an empty hallway illuminated by incandescent lights on a sterile tile floor and I dissolve through to the floor below, my father and I watching an HBO TV show in a modest looking hotel room.
I wake up suddenly, in a daze, feeling for the alarm on the other side of the room. It's placed there to insure that I wake up fully as I stumble across the length of the room.
My conscious mind flashes on like a strobe and an image of her is instantly projected on to my eyelids, like a shot, nervous elation filling my stomach.
I snap out of the trance, realizing I must begin the day.
I place my keys by the cracked open window, change into my shorts, lace up my shoes, grab my iPod, and head out the door to the nearest treadmill.
Running is the middle ground between the daze of sleep and the surge of reality.
I am free to think childish selfish thoughts, unfiltered by my half-awake mind. My imagination is running rampant. I fantasize about short film ideas that I excitedly write down once the elapsed time hits 22:02.
As I shower, my mind is finally in its normal state. The disposition of the day has finally began to weigh down on me. I go through the mindless routine of getting ready.
The slam of the door behind me as I leave my room lets me know the day has begun.
Walking from class to class is a transitional period my mind takes full advantage of. Thoughts weave through my brain at blurred speeds. My body merely a vessel for this overbearing wave of rational and irrational thought.
Other times, my mind sits in silence.
The music flowing through my ears suppressing any sort of thought. My eyes are lenses, my mind a camera. I am a documentarian filming day to day life with hopes of capturing something beautiful and real.
I focus in on two people standing to the side a way ahead of me. They are dressed head to toe in black, the cuffs of their pants lay like abandoned parachutes on the cracked pavement. Slipknot on one shirt, black stripes overtaking white stripes on the other.
Before my mind passes some harsh undeserved judgment on both, one of them erupts in laughter.
And at that moment, I realize that we are one in the same person. I am reminded of their humanity by this outburst of human emotion. I couldn't help but smile to myself, sharing in her joy and realizing my foolishness.
I am running from something, through an open field on a paisley carpet. I am not scared, I just know that I must run. I am in an empty hallway illuminated by incandescent lights on a sterile tile floor and I dissolve through to the floor below, my father and I watching an HBO TV show in a modest looking hotel room.
I wake up suddenly, in a daze, feeling for the alarm on the other side of the room. It's placed there to insure that I wake up fully as I stumble across the length of the room.
My conscious mind flashes on like a strobe and an image of her is instantly projected on to my eyelids, like a shot, nervous elation filling my stomach.
I snap out of the trance, realizing I must begin the day.
I place my keys by the cracked open window, change into my shorts, lace up my shoes, grab my iPod, and head out the door to the nearest treadmill.
Running is the middle ground between the daze of sleep and the surge of reality.
I am free to think childish selfish thoughts, unfiltered by my half-awake mind. My imagination is running rampant. I fantasize about short film ideas that I excitedly write down once the elapsed time hits 22:02.
As I shower, my mind is finally in its normal state. The disposition of the day has finally began to weigh down on me. I go through the mindless routine of getting ready.
The slam of the door behind me as I leave my room lets me know the day has begun.
Walking from class to class is a transitional period my mind takes full advantage of. Thoughts weave through my brain at blurred speeds. My body merely a vessel for this overbearing wave of rational and irrational thought.
Other times, my mind sits in silence.
The music flowing through my ears suppressing any sort of thought. My eyes are lenses, my mind a camera. I am a documentarian filming day to day life with hopes of capturing something beautiful and real.
I focus in on two people standing to the side a way ahead of me. They are dressed head to toe in black, the cuffs of their pants lay like abandoned parachutes on the cracked pavement. Slipknot on one shirt, black stripes overtaking white stripes on the other.
Before my mind passes some harsh undeserved judgment on both, one of them erupts in laughter.
And at that moment, I realize that we are one in the same person. I am reminded of their humanity by this outburst of human emotion. I couldn't help but smile to myself, sharing in her joy and realizing my foolishness.
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