This is a call to question

I jump out of my skin and I'm running through a deserted isle in Kroger. I tell myself its to save time, but I know its because I can. It's 2am and I'm getting milk for cereal.

"Welcome to Kroger." Scan. Beep. Bag. Automatic Doors. Night sky.

It's one of those nights where your skin tingles and your sense of being is magnified by a wide starry sky. It's those nights when you call things into question. The big questions that seem so insignificant to anyone but yourself...

When I close my eyes I see a part of myself that I can never get out in the many bumbling words that escape through my lips. I think if someone took all of my words and sent them to a cryptologist, we might begin to understand the intentions of my heart.
I don't want to sound like a disenchanted teenager..."No one understands me" they say with a soured shrug.

What I mean to say is that my intentions are etched into the insides of my head. Every so often, I close my eyes and see the intricate, but simple map to my soul. It's lined with "what ifs" and premature "I love you"'s but once you get past that, I radiate with a glowing earnestness. I just want to please you. I want to give to you. Most of the time I try to impart a little portion of my soul, but it always get distorted when I let my mind be the middle man.

What was that you asked?

Premature promptings and wise foresight battle for control. An incomplete mixed message is sent to the voicebox who in turn interprets it as "good to go". The words fall out of my mouth like tetris. They build up an elaborate response fit and trim with minute detail. It's then I realize I'm unsure if I answered the question.

Though it may not always exude brilliance, I speak with conviction. I could talk down the stars from the sky if given the chance. I don't confront with sage simplicities. I barrage the conversation with passion...unadulterated portions of half-thoughts. Most of which just evolved in my marathon mind.

But when I close my eyes, all that remains is the conviction. And I know some day that one soul will look and see the intricate lines that lead to my soul.
I wish I was a little more delicate.

www.flickr.com/austindressman