Trip

-short summations of thoughts and ideas I wrote over spring break in Chicago-

There's this respite between starting point and destination. I'm unable to make substantial thoughts because of the displacement of not being locked down to one location.
It's freeing.
There are no good thoughts or bad thoughts.
There is only the now. The sights and sounds unfolding before my eyes.

I have thoughts of her but they are fleeting. I feel like in leaving her behind, she will remain frozen in time. Not time will pass, no doubts about me will cross her mind. When I return, we'll pick up where we left off. It's uneasy, yet pacifying.

I lay here awake, staring out the wall-sized window at the overcast Chicago skyline. A constant flow of cool air grazes the parts of my skin not covered by the blanket.
My friends are sprawled across the floor below the couch. One of them stirs, looking out into the same overcast melancholy. We meet eyes and relate a similar feeling of contention as he falls back asleep.
Sharing moments like these is yet another reminder of our humanity. It's a moment I'm sure he won't remember, but it was an intimacy I retained as I too slowly drifted back to sleep.

Chicago is a place, like any other place. Its roads are paved with the same asphalt, its buildings built with the same bricks, its wind blowing just as fierce as the next towns. But its people are different. They exude this association with the place. They are walking to a destination.
They are living out their dreams.

I'm complacent in waiting for her.
God help the dreamers.

Our beautiful world is injected with negativity on a daily basis.

I feel the need to fill it with as much bliss and positivity as possible.

Wrapped Up

At times, I find myself getting so wrapped up in life's fabricated complications.
I dwindle down far into a hole of anxiety and melancholy I continue to dig over weeks and weeks.

Then it only takes one beautiful image or sentence to pull me right out of it.

There really is a communal spirit among human beings. Seeing someone happy or insightful can reverse a way of thinking.

The following contributed to this:

• http://www.wimp.com/slowmotion/

• My friend Kirsten's recent blog entry (Feb. 24)
  http://kirstenftc.blogspot.com/
  

Held my breath for too long...

That itching, nagging, longing, worried feeling

I thought I knew it well

Until I felt its clench on my heart strings yet again

The thought of her



I am writing poetry

I am pacing my apartment

I am holding my chest

I am breathing fast

She doesn’t have my number
Yet I wait for her call

I long to see her face

And we’ve only met twice

I long to make her smile
I want to make her swoon
I want her to tell her friends
I want to be the one

I'm feeling ill today, not in spirit, thankfully.

I saw a small child wave at me from a maroon minivan today while stuck in traffic. I smiled and waved back and pictured the satisfaction the child must have gotten from the gesture. Turning back around in her seat, a subtle smile spread across her face. The radio softly plays soft rock as her mothers plump forearm rests out of the open window.
It was the simplest of interaction between two human beings, and it gave both such a feeling of gratification. The scene was a comely thought that pushed me further into more thoughts of the beauty of the world:

-Christopher McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp
The thought that one mans flawed, but awe-inspiring view of life could transcend all the forces against it is comforting. Many claim he was lacking of common sense, stupid to go into the Alaskan wilderness so unprepared, his death by starvation inevitable.
And I agree.
But his passion and fervor are awe-inspiring. The over-romanticized version of the story told by Sean Penn in the 2007 film Into the Wild works because of that notion. He's a tragic hero, one full of flaws and inexperience. But his passion and radical message make up for his shortfalls. The vivaciousness of his idea of detaching from a materialistic society to live among the purity of nature is stirring. I thought the film was just beautiful, a true testament to the human spirit (or what the human spirit should be).

-I love when people tell me things and I replay them in my mind. Alex used this metaphor of his life going by like a train, because of how busy he was. Its a simple image but I made it this epic scene of Alex riding on a train, reflection against the lush passing forest. Images of the life he's leaving behind suddenly replace the scenery creating a surreal entrance into his thoughts.

-The other night I was at a party. Eventually we all piled into one bed in the corner of a room with no lightbulb and listened to some old vinyls. One by one people left, the size of the bed proving to be too small. I was left with just me and two friends who were half-awake, Pink Floyd's, "The Dark Side of the Moon" playing on the record player. I realized how chic and ridiculous the scene was whilst staring at the top of the bunk bed above me. But I felt privileged to be a part of such a moment. I thought "this must have been what it was like" as the screams and laughter from the other room found their way through the walls.


I think I want to make a habit of this. I'll focus my writing on movies and these "beautiful moments". It always makes me feel more at ease when I write things like that in here.